Fractured Fellowships

My Brothers in Christ and I are creating a men's fellowship.  The need for such seems pertinent given the rapid decline in society's culture and values.  Weak men very much give way to hard times.  We hope, through our fellowship as men in our various walks of life, to reverse the two original sins of Adam in his response (or lack of) to evil. 

1. Moral cowardice, Adam who was with her, (Gen 3:6), did nothing in Satan's exploitation of Eve's vulnerability. 

2. Abdicating the burden of responsibility,  The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. (Gen 3:12-19)

I have seen the rise, fracturing, and falling out of many home-church fellowships. We understand that this is a growing process of becoming one heart and will take much dialogue to resolve the problems that will inevitably arise, especially when a bunch of hot-headed, religious, pseudo-intellectual, post-LDS Mormons start to contemplate and act upon the ethical foundations of the meaning of life.  We thought we could at least start by agreeing on some foundational ground rules for discussions to build up from, nipping at conflicts we have seen arise in other fellowships before they gave rise in ours.  I was heavily influenced by the Answer and Covenant and Dr. Jordan Peterson's practical advice.  What follows are concepts from that revelation articulated and expounded upon for our specific fellowship. I hope those reading this find it insightful for the struggles they are experiencing in their efforts to live the covenant.   

Rules of Engagement 

The focus of this men's fellowship is not merely to be a safe place for socialization and support. If all you are looking for in brotherhood is to be around the boys, shoot the bull, and coddle one another’s feelings this is not the group for you. Here we espouse a culture of accountability, discipline, and excellence. This is a fellowship of men wrestling to become disciples of Jesus Christ in word, power, and deed. We strive to embody the characteristics and attributes of our Lord and reflect His image as Christians, fathers, husbands, sons, and servants to God’s children and stewards of His creation. This is an arena where iron sharpens irons, so although we are each individually accountable to God and God alone, we strive to uphold one another to that standard. All men are invited but there are expectations if you are to stay.

Humility

"If I Am The Wisest Man Alive, It Is For I Know One Thing, And That Is That I Know Nothing" - Socrates

The list of beatitudes in the Sermon on the Mount is given in a specific order for a reason. They are a map to Christ's followers of the upward ascent to Godhood with each consecutive attribute building on the prior. The first and bedrock attribute to attain is  "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven".   This is a call to humility, a keen awareness of one's own ignorance, and therefore, the proper and prerequisite attitude to receive an infinite knowledge of heaven. Being poor in spirit does not imply that it is virtuous to be financially destitute, morally passive, or incompetent in life-even though many religious followers masquerade such insufficiencies as righteous humility. Poor in spirit is not a form of nihilistic Budism that dissolves its pacifists from any accountability to absolute truth in its enlightened state of nominal non-attachment. Poor in spirit is knowing that you know nothing while having the openness to discover everything. 

The opposite of humility is pride. Just as humility does not equal timid passivity, pride is not the traits that woke modernity conflates it with such as confidence, masculinity, assertiveness, conscientiousness, accountability, and excellence. These are virtues we as men must cultivate if we are to preserve our religion. Pride is better understood as the totalitarian presumption that one's worldview, understanding, and behaviors are absolute and beyond critique. The proud are unable to question their axiomatic beliefs and can therefore never see beyond the confines of their own knowledge into the Kingdom of Heaven. Pride is believing you know enough and damning yourself in your assured ignorance. 

In this fellowship, we each seek to maintain an open-minded wonder and humility for the vast expanse of the unknown while maintaining a stable footing in the known - intellectually liberal but ethically conservative - recognizing that what we do not yet know is far more important than what we already know, ever seeking further knowledge but never undermining the Truth we stand upon. We recognize that the biggest hindrance to life abundant is the beam in our own eye and our lack of humility to see it. Pride causes latent inhibition to the sinful habits that animate us from the blind spot of our souls, and so we value and need an honest perspective to shine a light on where our vision is cloudy.  We trust one another to have our backs- we trust in each other's intentions of only the best in one another- so we take no offense because none will ever be intended. We enter into dialogue with the assumption that our brothers in Christ might know something we need to know, creating space and listening to them hard enough so that they will share it with us.

 Active Engagement

 If a member’s activity lapses beyond 3 weeks without reasonable justification they will respectfully asked to fellowship elsewhere. We can still be friends, however, for this group to function as a fellowship, accomplish its goals, and remain on track there needs to be consistency from each man. 

Because we each have family and community responsibilities demanding most of our time, (and if you don't, finding a meaningful way to serve others needs to be your top priority) in-person/online video meetings will remain ordered and productive keeping to a two-hour time limit. The purpose of this group is to make us more Christ-like in fulfilling our familial and community stewardship. If this fellowship is not fulfilling that purpose for you, if it is getting in the way of family responsibilities, you can not waste your precious time here.  

Debate and Disagreements 

Debate and disagreements are encouraged if done in a manner that seeks to bring clarity and light. Truth, the Logos, is made manifest through the Dia-Logos. Philosophy, or Phila- Sophia (love of wisdom), and NOT Phila-Nikia (love of victory) needs to be the aim in any disagreement. Higher wisdom can be unveiled through the dialogue of different perspectives that share the same value. Measure your words before giving voice to them, and consider the hearts of others. Continually being adversarial and intentionally making attacks on one’s character, as opposed to critiquing and refuting their position or idea, will result in the removal from the group. A good way to maintain clarity in any dialogue is to follow Carl Rogers's advice: people involved in disputes should not respond to each other until they [can] fully, fairly, and even sympathetically state the other person's position. 

Gossip 

“Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.” -Socrates

 We live in a social world where were are constantly learning from the follies and insufficiencies of ourselves and those around us. It is important to reflect and learn from the interpersonal drama of our lives, however, such analysis of our friends, families, and colleagues can quickly divulge into gossip. When individuals must be brought up in discussions do not let them become the topic of conversation. Instead, frame the discussion in a way that can critique their behavior/ideology while separating the sinner from the sin. Learn from the drama as opposed to being swept into it. If you lack the verbal finesse to simultaneously speak objectively about an offensive person while not condemning them you still lack the clarity to see them in the light of Christ. First, pray to God and intercede on their behalf (advocate for them in the courtroom of your mind) to develop the ability to see your brother with Charity and to sharpen your sword of the logos as a more refined tool in cutting and separating hurt feelings from priceless wisdom.

 

Confession, not Complaint

 We all struggle with the hardships of life. Many of us have dealt with or are fighting through addictions, awful vices, and inner demons. There is a place in the Christian life for confessing one-with-another to bear each other's burdens, however, in a culture that glorifies the intersectionality of mental health and the pseudo-Christian response of an affirming cosmic therapist, confession before God often becomes conflated with complaining at God. As a result, we soothe ourselves aimlessly into a dark pity party- fabricating vain solace and false glory in the "New Age" never-ending journey of self-discovery and its endless catechisms of self-help doctrines. To avoid this conflation of confession and complaint, any acknowledgment and disclosure of our shortcomings must be done in the Light of the ideal we are striving to reflect. Confession without an ideal to emulate only leaves us spinning in cycles of confusion. This is why we do not give endless worry to our inner demons (we maintain an awareness of their existence but do not give them focal attention), instead, we pray and formulate a way to rise above them and ascend up the mountain of God to the place where they can not go. In this fellowship, we forget ourselves and focus our attention on the Almighty, praying diligently for the knowledge, wisdom, and grace to become like Him.