Warriors, sometimes people ask for help not because they truly want it, but because deep inside they would rather avoid the responsibility of confronting their own problems and failures. It's easier for them to avoid responsibility if they have a knight in shining armor to place blame on when that knight gets knocked off his white horse battling the dragon meant for them to defeat.
Princesses, maybe only you have the ultimate power within you that can slay the dragon, but that can only come out when you decide to wake up from your sheltered beauty sleep and fight alongside the knight. However, it's much easier to sit in a high tower bitching about how fate sent you an ogre on an ass instead of a prince on a stallion.
This analogy came to me today. I offered my assistance to someone who asked me for my help. Bent over backwards and made time and financial sacrifices to make sure I could help in the best way I was able. But this person wouldn't help themselves because deep down inside they didn't really want my help, which was the only thing I agreed and was able to offer. What they truly wanted was for me to take ownership of their problems, not help them through it. When issues arose because of this person's negligence to research and properly prepare for the task at hand, they refused to confront them, assuming that they were entitled to have their problems taken care of for them. They became angry and emotional when I sought to uncover and address these ignored issues. This "princess" chose to remain asleep to the growing dragon outside her high tower, expecting her knight in shining armor to save the day.
For it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength - Mosiah 4:27
Continuing to help this person would have dragged me further into hell and would have resulted in my destruction. I don't believe its wise to offer something to someone you are unable to offer. Jesus offered the most beautiful sacrifice to humanity, but He knew full well he possessed the power and capacity to do so. When I saw that this situation was too great for me to battle, I had to step off my white horse as opposed to dying on it. This person was devastated, but really, due to their own neglect, they were screwed with or without me. A warrior knows how to pick and choose their battles and how many fronts they can fight on at once I'm not her knight in shining armor. I have my own dragons to slay, and my own princess, to fight for and with.
Of course, its easier to avoid responsibility when you have someone to place the blame of failure on. Now I'm the jack ass villain in this person's story for not offering something I knew I could not offer.
Warriors, its okay to say no to a battle. Be careful who you help. Help those who are seeking to help themselves, or else you may just be someone's scapegoat of failure, and that's not helping them, that is crippling them.
Princesses in distress, (and I'm being gender neutral when I talk about knights, warriors, and princesses, not necessarily assigning masculine/feminine roles to them), maybe the best place to meet your knight in shining armor is not in some safe high tower suddenly awaken by true loves first kiss - riding away into the sunset. Maybe the only place where you will encounter Him is outside the tower, awakened to the power within you - fighting side by side and walking victorious, hand in hand, over that dragon's dead carcass
"It is only right to see the best in people. The highest virtue is the desire to help, but not everyone who is failing is a victim, and not everyone at the bottom wishes to rise, although many do, and many manage it. Nonetheless, people will often accept or even amplify their own suffering as well as that of others if they can brandish it as evidence of the world's injustice. There's no shortage of oppressors among the downtrodden even if, given their lowly position, many of them are only tyrannical wannabes. It’s the easiest path to choose moment to moment. Although its nothing but hell in the long run.
ReplyDeleteImagine someone not doing well. He needs help. He might even want it, but it is not easy to distinguish between someone truly wanting and needing help and someone who is merely exploiting a willing helper. The distinction is difficult even to the person who is wanting and needing and possibly exploiting. The person who tries and fails and is forgiven, and then tries again and fails and is forgiven, is also too often the person who wants everyone to believe in the authenticity of all that trying. When its not just naivety, the attempt to rescue someone is often fueled by vanity and narcissism. "
-12 Rules For Life, Rule Three: Make Friends with People Who Want the Best For You.